Stalking Aweks Part 2: Collecting Info

Salam,
....sebahagian drpd "my Valentine suck Ass" series......for MALE readers ONLY. 1 intro, 2 balak, 3 kurap , 4 bini, 5. cun, 6 hasben, 7 stalker intro

1. Stalking bagik aku is basically "to collect information in order to gain more information". What? Gapo dio?

2. Ginila. Macam chain reaction la gitu. Mula2 kau start ngan sikit je info kan? Tapi kau gunakan info yg cikit tu untuk generate/korek more info. Dan kemudian kau gunakan info yg baru tu utk dapatkan more info plak. Dan lagi dan lagi. Finally, kau dapat all the infos possible.

3. Hackers panggil teknik ni social engineering. Hacking for the infos using mulut or teknik meng-ayat. Kevin Mitcnick (bapak hackers) pioneered this method. Cara fav dia nak hack any network ialah dia call org yg level bawah2 dulu. Ayat sikit, get info. Pastuh dia call org level atas sikit dan nyamar jadi org level bawah tadi. And so on, until dia get the right ppl up the chain yg akan caya dia adalh org yg genuinely works in the same company. So the poor guy then freely give or reset the login & password utk dia. Then the hacking begins....

4. So, Information is power. Information di tangan org yg power cam aku, lagi lah power rangers.

5. All u need is a target. Without name, without face.

6. Contoh .
Katakan sepupu kau nak bertunang. Dia plak shy2 cat tak nak britau kau sape bakal tunang dia.
Tapi, kau SASPEK dia akan bertunang ngan bekas dorm-mate kau yg dahulunya di kenali sebagai sebagai Sofian tapi sejak operation vagina transplant kat Phuket, dia kini di kenali sebagi Sophie.
Auwwwwww!

Biawek! Aku tau mesti ramai aweks yg jeles kat brader nih "Naper I tak cun mcam laki ni hah? I kan wanita sejati?" (kisah detailnya kelik cini)

7. So what confirmed FACTS do u have right now about this suspected "biawek" (balak yg dah jadi awek)? Shes gonna engaged to yr cuz. Thats it kan? Hampeh giler.

But u know your sepupu. U know his mum, his dad, his siblings, his friends, bla bla bla and his fesbuk acct.
So, now u ayat the infos from his mum, kalau mak dia degil, gunakan mak kau utk tanya aunty kau. Kalau gagal, kau tanya adik beradik sepupu kau. Kalu tak leh gak, tanya member2 dia and so on.

8. Eventually u will get a name. From a name you can get a face. And from then on, the info collection becomes easier.

9. Tak pun kau boleh gunakan fesbuk kalau kau tak sepower aku!! FB ni kira cam ngelat la. Kurang skill. So dari FB, kau boleh dapat the face dulu from the album, kemudian kau korek lah carik nama dia.
Fesbuk methods will be discussed in the next post iA.

10. Nama! Apakah yg ada pada nama ?
Segala2nya.
Kalau nama kau boring, susah gak la nak carik info. Tapi kalau nama kau unik dari segi the name itself or dari segi ejaan, sonang la kojo pakcik.

11. Contonhnya.
Kau adalh salah seorang junior2 yg baru sampai Adeled tahun ni. Tetiba kau terdengar satu nama yg disebut2 sebagai "bapak segala playboy di Adeled" yg bisa merangkul hati2 gadis2 jelitawan junior yg baru sampai satu kapal ngan kau.
Jadi sebagai langkah berjaga2, kau nak tahu sapekah pemuda hensem tersebut.

Kau berharap2 di dlam hati, janganlah jejaka macho tersebut ialah Brader Mangkuk yg keje kat Swinging Bol, sebab kalau brader tu la, lu tau lu tak leh carik makan lah.
Angkat bendera putih. Pasrah atas ketentuan Ilahi.

Sekali bila lu tanya abang usrah lu, siapakah geragannya jejaka melayu terakhir tersebut?

Siraj Fahmi jawap mereka.....Siraj Fahmi!
SIRAJ FAHMI ???

To Be Continued ..........................

Sekian, mekasey, wassalam

PART TWO: The adventure of JURBO and DZAKAR : More Pain? Hell Yeah !!!

Salam,

...... continuing from PART ONE

.....suddenly, YoMaiNiggah shouted.....
"Yo Dowg! Come n check this maderfaker out!"
"We r so close to Mt Pussy let me tell yoall",
"Its all written on that thang..... Ermm where did it go??"...
......YoMaiNiggah was confused

At this time Jurbo shouted back at him in Bangledeshi
"Oppa Dallia Balla.....Oppa Dallia Balla....",
which means,
"You mean the sign behind you? And its Mt Lofty, not Mt Pussy !! You idiot!!"

On closer inspection of the sign, they noticed the spoon and fork sign on that, which look, to the famished cyclers, to be as gorgeous as Megan Fox ass, erkk .......charming personality!!

So, although Mt Lofty means more climbing to do, hence more pain and more waiting for Dzakar to catch-up, BUT the body need some food man. The tank was empty. So they decided to go to hell with the pain and proceed courageously to tackle Mt Lofty.

If u look at the name closely, not only its a mountain, its also lofty or aloft. If translated into Malay, Mt Lofty means" Gunung tinggi gila-babi taraf Gaban kalau kau naik pakai kaki bersepai gigi gerham, kalau naik pakai beskal tercirit 7 hari 6 malam, kau gile ke? Lain la kalau kau hebat dan ensem mcam pakcik Jurbo tuh!"

No sweats.......a few minutes later.....
Helemek!! Easy peasy! They smacked that bitch!
Congratz people. U made me so proud!!

Jurbo at the bottom pic there was trying to convey a message tru hand sign.
Whatdeheck?
Does it means "3 wives in 5 years", or "3 aweks each in 5 continents" or "35 is his pants size"?

Ohh! I get it. When he eats using his right hand, he uses 3 fingers and when he washes his ass after shitting , he uses all 5 digits on his left hand.
Brilliant!

Remember our war-cry, "Pain is temporary, Quitting is forever"? Well hungry pon forever. So they had their lunch at a cafe on top of Mt Lofty.
3 people, 70 bucks! Whadafak man!
Why Swinging Bowl only charged 5.50 for two dishes? Maybe its time for Swinging Bowl to increase the price again. I'll tell the owner next time I see his gorgeous face.

After lunch, the boys prayed Zohr. (ermm...Jurbo is not "Boys" anymore though. He is Pakcik already what!).
Then began the fun part of their adventure........the descent!!

Jurbo knew, from his vast experience in bed.....opss cycling, that the descent was the dangerous part. The speed and the fatigue might caused a crash.
So he took-it easy while descending. Plenty of stops to take some pictures of the eagle-on-the hill scenery, with a faint hope of somebody, someone will crash and bleed or die, so he can write in his blog about it.

(Picture courtesy of HornyPhysio...gua cilok lu nyer)
Crash you Dzakar, crashhh!! Dem U!
(Jurbo was thinking of kicking Dzakar down the hill actually. Like Jackass, only this time its called KickAss)
As it turned out, the descent was over in roughly 40 mins.
Ahh...so not fair! Hours of pain, but minutes of joy. The enjoyment was prematurely ejaculated.

So as shown on the above pic, taken at the bottom of the climb, Eagle is 6 km. But Mt Lofty which is at Crafters, is 10km. So altogether, 20km plus the 2 times 2km to get back to the city, so the journey was like 24km in total roughly.
But u have to factor-in the climb. So the actual distance traveled was way more than that!

Since Jurbo last effort during his uni days during the Second World War, he never heard of any Malay boys that climbed Mt Lofty on bike for the the last 13 years.

So that day, they made history.
Well done Boys!
We made It!!

Aftermath.
On top, Jurbo was checking his "tanned" level with the "Universal Standard of Blackness" (a.k.a USB), which was YoMaiNiggah's skin.
On the bottom, HornyPhysio feet. He wore only selipar on the expedition. Maybe he wore his selipar to go berak in the morning and forgot to change to his shoes.
Apart from that, everybody was fine....... except for their asses. No kidding! Jurbos ass is still sore, 2 days later. The same with others.
As we reached the top of Eagle (above pic), everybody has started to complain about their sore asses.

Why? Do u really wanna know why? As they cycled, all the sweats trickled down our body, down our asses crack and soaked the underwear. So the water, makes their buntut skin moist, hence soften. So, because there was a continuous friction between their bum and the seat, eventually their bum is melecet la!!

The shape of the seats (pic), doesn't help to. Trasa like di sula!!! Thats why Jurbo named his bike seat, "Anwar".....oppss!!
RMC, MCKK, SDAR, STAR etc boys....please stop salivating!!..Its disturbing guys!

To overcome this problem is easy. The bum's skin should never be allowed to be wet. So ideally, u should wore material that can easily evaporate the sweats.
Or to cut cost, u can just discard the underwear, or clothe altogether and ride the bike naked. Wearing kain pelikat or miniskirts (minus the underwear of course) is also sufficient.

Please don't forget to invite me.......youz mini-skirt wearing cyclist!

So, for overview, this is all the landmarks.
This journey was very tough, but plenty of aweks and elderly doing the climb to.
But aweks mat salleh lah kan.

You can also bring your Malaysian Haweks to this climb , ...........if u planned to break-up with her 10 minutes into the climb and leaving her skin blackened and asses sodomized by the seats.
Its your call!

So, thank u all u people that make this a memorable trip.

-Lets start with the guy that is bending-over in the doggie position, HornyPhysio/Lance AccidentStrong/IhsanHuhu .....Thanks for not crashing or breaking any bones during the trip. Thanks also for waitin' for our unfit asses to catch-up with u.

-Next is YoMaiNiggah/Lance PoyoStrong/Ringgo...(blue, right)...Thanks for yr idea, yr enthusiasm and yr hard work to get Jurbos bike in a working order. You are and will always be a slave or a cheap working labor. Its in yr blood.......ehh silap.... skin man! Don't fight it!

-Thanks also to Dzakar/Lance NotStrongAtAll/Naze..(middle).......for making the rest of us look good by leaving yr sorry ass far far far behind. The fact that u made it to the summit despite using a heavy bike (fatty ass doesn't help as well), is a feat that earned our utmost respect!!!

-As for Jurbo/Lance HensemStrong/Mangkuk....in yellow.........U memang still power lah bro!! May Allah blessed U and granted U four gorgeous and muslimah wives in the future to curb your unabated unashamedly humongous nafsu serakah!

Kamon everybodii .....AMINNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!

-the N-
Sekian, mekasey, wassalam.

p/s:
1.Plenty of "sengal" pictures was taken that was excluded from this report. I will post it in fesbuk soon.......just to show-off and made u jeles!!
2. Wahhh!! First time writing in English wa cakap lu! May dad will be so proud of me!!