Why I Hate Birthdays........

Salam,

1. There is no way you guys could have known. Aku bukan setakat tak celebrate birthday. Aku view birthday with contempt.

2. Its a bit of religious and a bit of personal principle. Some people are passionate about whale, deforestration, famine etc. Tapi aku weirdly passionately anti-birthday. As strongly as aku anti-anybody yg "anti-poligami", anti-queen control, anti-UMNO dan lain2 anti inti karipap.

3. Aku mmg asal2 tanak tulis dalm blog because ramai akan terasa, but I guess some of you guys have twisted my arms.
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Mari Kita Usha Fatwa.

1. Kalau korang gugel fatwa birthday celebration in English, the answer is unequivocally HARAM. Sebab Pak2 Arab online tu view "anything" yg nabi tak pernah buat as Bidaah. Bidaah tu sesat. So haram. Setel.

2. Tapi kalau kau tengok orang2 "kita", yang lembut sikit, yang cuba menginterpret feqah contemporarily, this is their view..


3. Hukumnya harus. Tetapi, tiup lilin itu HARAM! Nyanyi lagu happy bithday pula is sangat inadvisable.
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What is My View

1. Birthday adalah something personal. Tak perlu di kecoh2 kan.

2. A man and a woman have sex, then they get pregnant and after 9 months, baby keluar. The baby is the product of joy. Not the somebody that me must make sure to be joyous during his birthday.

3. So the real celebration should be "of" the parents. "Thank you mum and dad for having sex, that resulted in me being here at this moment. Here is my gift to you! Lifetime supply of Tongkat Ali and Kacip Fatimah. Enjoy! Love you!."

4. In my case, it is especially relevant sebab aku nyaris nak mati masa tu, so mak aku kene emergency Caesarian. In 1974, caesarian = laparatomy. Meaning, belah drp bawah tulang rusuk ke pusat dan trus ke pinggang. Besar haram scar mak aku tok sah cerita. Pastu dia plak nak mati sebab hilang darah, 2-3 bulan tak leh bangun etc.

5. So I never thought my birthday is special. Instead my mum is the one that special!

6. Come to think of it, ape kah yang kau dok bangga2kan masa birthday tu? Apakah your superb acheivement tu? Sebab kau berjaya "tidak mati" selama "whatever" years? Wow! Superb giler. Camne kau buat ye? Orang2 lain mesti taleh buat gak kan. Nah aku kasi kau kad dan hadiah sebab kau HEBAT! Big deal!

7. And the traditional coming of age celebration at 18 or 21 yo tu hanyalah grand kerana itulah legal age to purchase alcohol in UK and US respectively. Itu je!

8. In addition birthday celebration ni akan create a cycle of shitstorm. Apabila orang ni buat brithday, org lain akan aim nak buat lagi grand. Or apabila org ni buat suprise party/prank utk kau, kau akan aim utk buat lagi gempak utk balas kat org tu pulak. The same goes for birthday presents.

9. If you go down that hole honey, you will not find the bottom. U will be in that shit hole forever and sink deeper and deeper into forever thickening layer of shits. Kau menyusahkan diri sendiri dan kemudiannya menyusahkan orang2 lain plak.

10. So aku refuse to be part of the "shit"cycle. Generally, aku tak pernah buat anything special time birthday. Bini aku pon adelah dua tiga kali je ingat birthday aku walaupun dah berbelas tahun bersama. Tapi sumpah aku tak kisah langsung!!!

11. The only constant thing is mak aku akan call/text aku every year, to wish happy birthday. Itu je. Enuff.

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Bila Org Lain Sambut Birthday

1. Sadly, birthday celebration dah jadi macam trend wajib sekarang ni. For some people it becomes this big thing. Elaborate planning, pranks, suprises are common.

2. Well, what the hell can I do? Suka hati engkorang lah kan. Aku takde masalah utk attend majlis engkorang dan belasah kek dan foods. Tapi sorilah utk aku kasi hadiah kat kau. Dan aku agak liat sikit utk sign kad. Biasanya aku tambah je kat bawah sesapa yg dah tulis "and from me". Hahaha.

3. Tetapi, bila kau punya celebration menjadi contoh yg tak baik utk anak aku, konfem aku angin lah. Aku dah lost count brapa kali anak aku nangis2 nak mintak buat birthday celebration mcam anak2 orang lain. Puas aku bertekak nak convince dia yg buat birthday ni "tak bagus" dan menyusahkan orang lain kene attend, bagi hadiah etc.

4. I don't give a shit kalau kau nak re-name birthday tu treasure hunt ke, majlis doa selamat ke dan sebagainya, kerana it is still done BECAUSE of birthday! Kau ingat budak2 ni bodoh! They can see the fucking cake and gift.

5. Of course ngkorang akan kata, ape salahnya kanak2 ni gembira pada satu hari je in one year. Well, apa salahnya bagi hadiah pada hari lain? Aku kasi anak aku hadiah brithday ikut suka hati aku je bebila ada sales!.. "Ni hadiah birthday okay. Jgn claim lagi! Setel". Ape kau ingat anak aku tak happy ke bila dapat hadiah tu. Sama sepesen je dia happy!

6. Tak tau lah kalau dalam hati dia cakap, "Ya Allah! Mengapakah kau kasi bapak yg saiko kat aku!".
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How Pscyhotic I Am Against Birthday

1. I've never hide my age. Aku 37 yo semua org tau. Tapi aku try to keep my birthday secrets. In facebook aku boh 31 August 1957 so kalau orang ucap Happy Birtday aku hanya balas "MERDEKA!!".

2. Dah setahun lebih dah aku stop wish Happy Birthday kat Facebook friends, kecualilah kalau kau betul2 "special". Ehem...ehem...meaning kalau kau member kamcing or awek gojes meleleh sahaja.

3. Last year on 30 August, aku inactivate facebook selama dua hari sebab aku tanak org wish birthday kat aku pada 31st August tu, walaupun birthday aku bukan ari tu pon!

4. Tapi this year aku biar je kot sebab kalau org cakap Happy Birthday pada 31st August tu, aku boleh jawap........
"SELAMAT HARI RAYAAAA!!!!!"
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Yes, I know...

1. Its sad isn't it?

2. This is only my opinion. I don't expect for orang lain to follow it. But I do expect orang lain to respect it. So tolong jangan buat party, kasi card, beli kek kurang daripada 3 tingkat or kasi hadiah kurang daripada AUD 10 000 kepada aku. Stripper boleh! Blonde please....

3. But like I said in the beginning, there is no way you guys could have known. I am trully sorry.....

Sekain, mekasey, wassalam.