Monday, February 8, 2010

PART TWO: The adventure of JURBO and DZAKAR : More Pain? Hell Yeah !!!


...... continuing from PART ONE

.....suddenly, YoMaiNiggah shouted.....
"Yo Dowg! Come n check this maderfaker out!"
"We r so close to
Mt Pussy let me tell yoall",
"Its all written on that thang..... Ermm where did it go??".
......YoMaiNiggah was confused

At this time Jurbo shouted back at him in Bangledeshi
"Oppa Dallia Balla.....Oppa Dallia Balla...."
which means,
"You mean the sign behind you? And its Mt Lofty, not Mt Pussy !! You idiot!!"

On closer inspection of the sign, they noticed the spoon and fork sign on that, which look, to the famished cyclers, to be as gorgeous as Megan Fox ass, erkk .......charming personality!!

So, although Mt Lofty means more climbing to do, hence more pain and more waiting for Dzakar to catch-up, BUT the body need some food man. The tank was empty. So they decided to go to hell with the pain and proceed courageously to tackle Mt Lofty.

If u look at the name closely, not only its a mountain, its also lofty or aloft. If translated into Malay, Mt Lofty means" Gunung tinggi gila-babi taraf Gaban kalau kau naik pakai kaki bersepai gigi gerham, kalau naik pakai beskal tercirit 7 hari 6 malam, kau gile ke? Lain la kalau kau hebat dan ensem mcam pakcik Jurbo tuh!"

No sweats.......a few minutes later.....
Helemek!! Easy peasy! They smacked that bitch!
Congratz people. U made me so proud!!

Jurbo at the bottom pic there was trying to convey a message tru hand sign.

Does it means "3 wives in 5 years", or "3 aweks each in 5 continents" or "35 is his pants size"?

Ohh! I get it. When he eats using his right hand, he uses 3 fingers and when he washes his ass after shitting , he uses all 5 digits on his left hand.

Remember our war-cry, "Pain is temporary, Quitting is forever"? Well hungry pon forever. So they had their lunch at a cafe on top of Mt Lofty.
3 people, 70 bucks! Whadafak man!
Why Swinging Bowl only charged 5.50 for two dishes? Maybe its time for Swinging Bowl to increase the price again. I'll tell the owner next time I see his gorgeous face.

After lunch, the boys prayed Zohr. (ermm...Jurbo is not "Boys" anymore though. He is Pakcik already what!).
Then began the fun part of their adventure........the descent!!

Jurbo knew, from his vast experience in bed.....opss cycling, that the descent was the dangerous part. The speed and the fatigue might caused a crash.
So he took-it easy while descending. Plenty of stops to take some pictures of the eagle-on-the hill scenery, with a faint hope of somebody, someone will crash and bleed or die, so he can write in his blog about it.

(Picture courtesy of HornyPhysio...gua cilok lu nyer)
Crash you Dzakar, crashhh!! Dem U!
(Jurbo was thinking of kicking Dzakar down the hill actually. Like Jackass, only this time its called KickAss)
As it turned out, the descent was over in roughly 40 mins. not fair! Hours of pain, but minutes of joy. The enjoyment was prematurely ejaculated.

So as shown on the above pic, taken at the bottom of the climb, Eagle is 6 km. But Mt Lofty which is at Crafters, is 10km. So altogether, 20km plus the 2 times 2km to get back to the city, so the journey was like 24km in total roughly.
But u have to factor-in the climb. So the actual distance traveled was way more than that!

Since Jurbo last effort during his uni days during the Second World War, he never heard of any Malay boys that climbed Mt Lofty on bike for the the last 13 years.

So that day, they made history.
Well done Boys!
We made It!!

On top, Jurbo was checking his "tanned" level with the "Universal Standard of Blackness" (a.k.a USB), which was YoMaiNiggah's skin.
On the bottom, HornyPhysio feet. He wore only selipar on the expedition. Maybe he wore his selipar to go berak in the morning and forgot to change to his shoes.
Apart from that, everybody was fine....... except for their asses. No kidding! Jurbos ass is still sore, 2 days later. The same with others.
As we reached the top of Eagle (above pic), everybody has started to complain about their sore asses.

Do u really wanna know why? As they cycled, all the sweats trickled down our body, down our asses crack and soaked the underwear. So the water, makes their buntut skin moist, hence soften. So, because there was a continuous friction between their bum and the seat, eventually their bum is melecet la!!

The shape of the seats (pic), doesn't help to. Trasa like di sula!!! Thats why Jurbo named his bike seat, "Anwar".....oppss!!
RMC, MCKK, SDAR, STAR etc boys....please stop salivating!!..Its disturbing guys!

To overcome this problem is easy. The bum's skin should never be allowed to be wet. So ideally, u should wore material that can easily evaporate the sweats.
Or to cut cost, u can just discard the underwear, or clothe altogether and ride the bike naked. Wearing kain pelikat or miniskirts (minus the underwear of course) is also sufficient.

Please don't forget to invite me
.......youz mini-skirt wearing cyclist!

So, for overview, this is all the landmarks.
This journey was very tough, but plenty of aweks and elderly doing the climb to.
But aweks mat salleh lah kan.

You can also bring your Malaysian Haweks to this climb , ...........if u planned to break-up with her 10 minutes into the climb and leaving her skin blackened and asses sodomized by the seats.
Its your call!

So, thank u all u people that make this a memorable trip.

-Lets start with the guy that is bending-over in the doggie position, HornyPhysio/Lance AccidentStrong/IhsanHuhu .....Thanks for not crashing or breaking any bones during the trip. Thanks also for waitin' for our unfit asses to catch-up with u.

-Next is YoMaiNiggah/Lance PoyoStrong/Ringgo...(blue, right)...Thanks for yr idea, yr enthusiasm and yr hard work to get Jurbos bike in a working order. You are and will always be a slave or a cheap working labor. Its in yr blood.......ehh silap.... skin man! Don't fight it!

-Thanks also to Dzakar/Lance NotStrongAtAll/Naze..(middle).......for making the rest of us look good by leaving yr sorry ass far far far behind. The fact that u made it to the summit despite using a heavy bike (fatty ass doesn't help as well), is a feat that earned our utmost respect!!!

-As for Jurbo/Lance HensemStrong/ yellow.........U memang still power lah bro!! May Allah blessed U and granted U four gorgeous and muslimah wives in the future to curb your unabated unashamedly humongous nafsu serakah!

Kamon everybodii .....AMINNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!

-the N-
Sekian, mekasey, wassalam.

1.Plenty of "sengal" pictures was taken that was excluded from this report. I will post it in fesbuk soon.......just to show-off and made u jeles!!
2. Wahhh!! First time writing in English wa cakap lu! May dad will be so proud of me!!


ihsan_huhu said...

mat saleh pon xpnh kayuh sampai atas tuh pkai slipar wahahaha

mangkuk statik said...

mat salleh takde selipar jamban. Diaorang berak pkai kasut!


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