Saturday, February 11, 2012

Cinta Di Luar Tabie: Long Distance Relationship.

Salam,
Salah satu entry drp siri Panduan Cinta XXX
Ini adalah sambungan drpd previous post: "Cinta Lama Nak Mampos"
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Definasi

1. It is a very common mistake to think about a long-distance relationship as a matter of physical distance only. To me, a long-distance relationship is actually more about "accessibility" and "time".

2. So aku define long distance relationship as ....
a. No accessibility = Ialah relationship di mana kau bukan boleh senang2 nak jumpa dia. Ini boleh di sebabkan oleh apa2 faktor pon seperti contohnya jarak yang jauh, takde masa/cuti, takde duit nak pergi, bapak dia garang cam rimau, kau kene buang daerah, motor rosak etc.
b. A Long Time = Dan kau tak boleh jumpa dia buat satu jangka masa yang panjang. Berbulan2 atau bertahun2.

3. So, " long-distance r/ship" ni actually a misnomer because distance is not the definitive criteria.

4. Tak caya? Cuba kau imagine awek kau duduk London, bapak jauh tu. Tapi bapak kau bernama Tony Fernandes. Kamon la brader. Kau nak pergi London, anytaim je boleh naik jet bapak ngkau. So, relationship engkau dan awek ngkau itu aku tak classified as long-distance r/ship becoz kau ada easy "accessibility".

5. The other extreme is, if satu kapel ni sama2 duduk di Kajang. Tetapi boifren dia dok meringkuk dalam penjara Kajang. So bukan senang2 boleh jumpa. Ini aku classified as long-distance r/ship.
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Not for everybody

1. Korang kene understand. Long distance r/ship ni bukan semua orang boleh buat. Ini bukan a matter of skill or something yang kau boleh train. Bende ni Allah dah jadikan kau gitu.

2. Kalau kau boleh, maka bolehlah. Tapi, kalau kau tak boleh, kau boleh try, tapi kalau fail, jangan bersedih or nak blame sesapa plak. Just not in your gene. Ia adalh di luar tabie engkau.

3. Berapa ramai kawan2 aku yang pantang awek/bini takde seminggu dua, dah macam orang mereng. Pastu tuptap pasang satu baru punya untuk mengubat rindu konon. Berapa ramai kawan2 aku yang baru jejak dalam plane dah ngorat pramugari. Sedangkan baru lepas babai anak bini setengah jam yg lepas.

4. Tapi bros. Belum cuba belum tau hokay. Oleh itu cubalah dulu. Mane tau ada rezeki ngkau..
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Kau Bercinta Bukan Dengan Manusia



1. Benda ni agak payah sebab, in a long-distance r/ship, kau bukan bercinta dgn seorang manusia yang lain secara physical. Sebaliknya kau bercinta dengan mental engkau sendiri. Kau bercinta dgn the thought of him/her. Cebisan2 memori indah tentang rupa dia, senyuman dia, bau dia, perwatakan dia etc

2. Kau akan constantly try to concince yourself yang this person is real. Somewhere. Setia menanti. So you sacrifice yourself, numb yourself to other people, rejek approaches by other interesting parties, jaga diri ngkau baik2, hanya jinak2 merpati dgn balak/awek lain etc, even though the person that you love is not there with you, perati ngkau. And you hope that him/her will do the same
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Stages of Long-Distance Relationship

Oleh itu be aware. Orang2 yang berada di dalam long distance r/ship will always be a psyho. You will become mental. Konfem! Our thought will play with us stages by stages.

1. First Stage: Questioning
Kau akan always question adakah dia ni betul2 sayangkan aku? Kau will always demand ever increasing proof dprd dia sebab kau tanak korban gila babi, sekali kau crash and burnt. Syahdu siot klau terjadi. So sila expect di tanya soklan ni berulang2 kali
"Betul ke u sayang I ni?"
or other variations yang maksud dia lebih kurang sama.

2. Second Stage: Jelousy
Soon after that, jelousy will start creeping in. Kau akan mula pikir macam2 bad scenarios. Apa dia tgh buat sekarang ni? Adakah dia dok bersedap2 ngan org lain? Bila ada org aplod gambar kat fesbuk, kau akan start pikir, sapa ni? Apa dia buat ngan balak/awek aku? Diaorg ni kat mana ni? Selalu ke keluar skali? Takkan dia takde perasaan kat balak/awek aku sebab balak/awek aku cun giler kot (perasan sendiri)? Mana ada lelaki dan perempuan boleh berbaik tanpa sebarang niat? Sedap la dia boleh jumpa balak/awek aku ari2. Aku nak jumpa setahun pon mcm nak terberak. Babi la! Sial! Bangsat! Meh sini aku nak call dia. Kringg...kringg.... "Hello! Betul ke u sayang I ni? U dok ngan sapa tu?" ....masuk balik first stage tadi.

3. Third Stage: Pasrah
Cycle di dlm long-distance r/ship ini akan berulang2 back and forth dari stage 1 ke stage 2. Sehinggalah akhirnya kau akan mentally and emotionally fatigue. Kau dah takde stamina untuk jelous. Kau dah letih gaduh. You just don't care anymore. I guess by nature boys will be more affected by this stage than girls sebab kami naturally kuat jelous but realistic to the point of pessimistic.
I don't know about girls, tapi boys biasanya akan menjadi "I don't care anymore. Kau buatlah apa kau nak buat". Apa nak jadi, jadilah. Di stage ni, talipon/skype pon macam nak tak nak. Bila di tanya soklan panjang2, dia akan jawap sepatah.
So BIG WARNING. This stage is gonna worsen on the last kopek of your wait. On the last year kau dok oversea, on the last months before jumpa. I guess its a normal human response to protect themselves from getting hurt just in case tetiba something devastating happen on the last minute (break-up).
It could be so bad, if you don't understand it, you will think the other party is not interested in you anymore and will lead to break-up, therefore justifying his/her biggest fear in the end. Aku dah tengok dua kapel yang break-up just 3-4 bulan before diaorang balik Malaysia, after 4 years plus in a relationship. What a waste.....
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Boring

1. Ini kau tak boleh elak bro.

2. Mula2 kau try berborak on all the subjects on this planet. Lama2 kau akan keputusan idea tak tau nak cakap apa dah. Kalau kau skype pon, ape lagi kau boleh buat pon? Korang both tenung screen macam bangang tapi tak ckap apa2. Kalau on the fon, masing dok dengar the other person dok bernafas pruuhh..prahhhh.. sampai tertidor. Or sampai abis kredit. Or sampai bateri abis.

3. The reality is my frens, cinta kau adalah di luar tabie. Fitrah manusia adalah untuk bercintan, berdating, kahwin dan romen. Akan tetapi, kau sekarang ni sudah stuck on the first level je, iaitu bercintan. Nak jumpa tak boleh. Nak ringan2, tangan tak sampai. Bagus jugak la kan.

4. Lama kelamaan kau akan boring dan kau akan berada di third stage: Pasrah, for a long2 time. Kau rasa sungguh down. Kau adalah a sexually frustated individual.

5. Haaaa...ketika inilah ada kapel2 yang mula gedik mintak gambar seksi lah, tayang bra lah kat skype, buat fon seks lah dan macam2. So beware.

Mula2 aku tak paham. Tapi slepas 10sec ....buahahahaha. Babi! Sungguh benar.

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Berakit-rakit ke hulu ....

1. So in conclusion, a long distance relationship ni sakit dan kau tak tahu apakah kesudahannya. Akan tetapi sekiranya kau berjaya weather the storm, believe me. Both of you will be a very good couple simply because you have been tested with the ultimate test and passed.

2. Do u think someone yang kau bercintan hanya di dalam akal selama ini akan mempersiakan engkau bila kau ada duduk physically di depan mata as husband/wife? Very unlikely.

3. Plus its more fun because after you are married, you don't need to talk to each other anymore at all because all the stories have been told. You just go straight to sex. So for the rest of your life its sex party everynight until you die. Trust me. I know.

Sekian, mekasey, wassalam.

p/s:
These are my personal opinion aku bantai tulis jer. Aku tak sempat/malas nak buat proper research. So please surf the net for more solid info on this complicated subject.

8 comments:

rj.zyra said...

moral of story ? kawinlah ngn pilihan mak bapak. senang cite. they know you. always want the best. kurang dosa.

tup tap dapat laki mcm ally iskandar ok gak kan ? hehehahahaha

mangkuk statik said...

rjzeera: NOO! Apsal lah semua org macam pessimistik lepas baca post2 aku nih. Aku just nak remind people, apakah cabaran2 yang korang kene faced in a relationship. So be prepared.
Ally iskandar? Sapa tu? Anak sultan johor ker? Wa ozzi. Don't kenal celebriti Malaya unless ada gambar hot nampak cleavege kat BeautifulNara.

Anonymous said...

ally pun x kenai ka...host tv 3 dah tua pun br kawin after putus tunang....wife dia still belaja kat korea ...kira long distance relationship la

Anonymous said...

long distance relationship....heheh macam penah ku dengar ...please flash back yr memo to yr 1994...but thank and no thank fr that reason...

Anonymous said...

ally iskandar pun tak kenai mentang2 dah dok ozi lama ngat...host tv3 yang dah tua br nak kawin tu.

baca hang punya post ni ada yg betui dan ada yang x betui...based on experience lah...anyway yours are interesting to read...masa nak ngantuk kat opis ni...tq

mangkuk statik said...

Dear anonymus. Letak lah nama mrepek apa2 kan senang aku nak jawap!
Anon #1: Ye ker. Tq for the info regarding ally. Aku kenal Allycat jer. Mekaseyyyyy.

Anon #2: Why 1994? Ehem....ehem! Aku knal ngkau?

Anon #3: BETUL. Apa yg aky tulis ni bukan 100% fakta. Its just opinion. Ada yang benar, ada yang salah, banyak yang kencing! haha.

anom 2 @ mamamia said...

ko rasa kenai ka ? x pe la citer lama cuma tgl kenangan jer...

ko x penan cite lak nape ko x pass medic tu bini ko elok jer..9nyibok lak aku ni) just curios to know...

mangkuk statik said...

anon#2: Nanti aku citer. Simpan. Takde mood lagi. Lagipon aku still tgh buat postmortem muahhaha..

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